: Film - the REAL revelation
I wish i could work my ass off on the film thesedays. But I have 2 weeks of chinese homework and bad grades to bring up. my family yells at me constantly at how irresponsible i have become and my screwed up priorities. in times like these its so hard to keep going, but i guess I have to realize that if a project doesn't work, and I tried my absoulute hardest, i'd just have to accept it.
If the film fails, and never comes together within my highschool career with the current cast, it would be a downer, a huge downer, I'll probably be depressed for a time, because i spent 7 fucking months of exorbitant stress on this project, and 2000$, but I will be okay, because I learned so much. I learned so much about indie film, the stupidities and disadvantages of working with people, my own vision and a million other priceless things that I would never be able to learn otherwise. it was an experience that destroyed me and revitalized me unlike no other.
But it will be foolish not to try my hardest to prevent that failure from actually occuring within the near future. So I will cling on to all this I have left and keep trying, keep getting people together. Of course, there is no other choice. Get together with the new assistant directors, finish recasting. Finish set design.
This project is only the beginning of my dream goal to fall into the career as a film maker. The absoulute first splash of paint. The beginning. And how many first time feature films directed by a 16 year old highschool student with a crew under the age of 20, ever make it into great indie film festivals? Like zero.
Four years from now, in my junior year at RISD, I will look back at all of this and laugh at myself. Laugh and cry at how crazy and overly ambitious we all were, laugh at how I thought I could break through with my sixteen-year-old vision, laugh at how innocent I was, how I thought that painting a cow, and bringing NAHS back to life was the artistic equivalent to making a film.
When the equivalent to making a film was actually 14 months of exorbitant stress, lost sleep, crazily mixed up priorities, set failures, casting failures, mess ups, tears, laughter, insanities, missed meals, panic attacks, nervous break downs, excitement, bad study habits and ultimately hope. An enormous, outrageous, passionate, inexpressable hope that you never thought could be contained within the body of a tiny adolescent human being. A hope that defied one thousand voices that screamed of failure, a hope that urged you on through the most stressful and fragile of times. An artistic hope that screams for expression, validating your vision in massive ways you never once believed you were capable of. A hope that brought you through, and will continue to escalate you in the smooth glen of future your road has left.
I wish i could work my ass off on the film thesedays. But I have 2 weeks of chinese homework and bad grades to bring up. my family yells at me constantly at how irresponsible i have become and my screwed up priorities. in times like these its so hard to keep going, but i guess I have to realize that if a project doesn't work, and I tried my absoulute hardest, i'd just have to accept it.
If the film fails, and never comes together within my highschool career with the current cast, it would be a downer, a huge downer, I'll probably be depressed for a time, because i spent 7 fucking months of exorbitant stress on this project, and 2000$, but I will be okay, because I learned so much. I learned so much about indie film, the stupidities and disadvantages of working with people, my own vision and a million other priceless things that I would never be able to learn otherwise. it was an experience that destroyed me and revitalized me unlike no other.
But it will be foolish not to try my hardest to prevent that failure from actually occuring within the near future. So I will cling on to all this I have left and keep trying, keep getting people together. Of course, there is no other choice. Get together with the new assistant directors, finish recasting. Finish set design.
This project is only the beginning of my dream goal to fall into the career as a film maker. The absoulute first splash of paint. The beginning. And how many first time feature films directed by a 16 year old highschool student with a crew under the age of 20, ever make it into great indie film festivals? Like zero.
Four years from now, in my junior year at RISD, I will look back at all of this and laugh at myself. Laugh and cry at how crazy and overly ambitious we all were, laugh at how I thought I could break through with my sixteen-year-old vision, laugh at how innocent I was, how I thought that painting a cow, and bringing NAHS back to life was the artistic equivalent to making a film.
When the equivalent to making a film was actually 14 months of exorbitant stress, lost sleep, crazily mixed up priorities, set failures, casting failures, mess ups, tears, laughter, insanities, missed meals, panic attacks, nervous break downs, excitement, bad study habits and ultimately hope. An enormous, outrageous, passionate, inexpressable hope that you never thought could be contained within the body of a tiny adolescent human being. A hope that defied one thousand voices that screamed of failure, a hope that urged you on through the most stressful and fragile of times. An artistic hope that screams for expression, validating your vision in massive ways you never once believed you were capable of. A hope that brought you through, and will continue to escalate you in the smooth glen of future your road has left.